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Sample Speaker Critique
by Tom Antion

(This is a custom speech critique. The names have been changed to protect the speaker. You won't undertand all the comments because you did not hear the speech. If you order one of these for yourself it will be customized and +very detailed just like the two critiques below.)

First Video Tape Critique
John Doe July 28

First a little about my style as a coach. I'm not a hand holder. Many folks say that as a coach you should only emphasize the positive to encourage the student. That's great for toastmasters and
beginning speakers. John, you are at the Olympics right now as I'm writing this. Do you think any one of those athletes got where they are by only emphasizing the positive? Heck no! When you are great, the only way to get better is to identify and repair your weaknesses. That's what I'm good at doing. You are already great.  It's my job to identify and help you to fix your presentation weaknesses so not only will you be unbeatable in business, but on the platform as well.

John, as I mentioned on the phone, these two segments are theatrical performances--not speeches.
They still gave me plenty of information about your presentation style that we can tune-up a bit
so that you create even more impact than you already do.

Here we go:

Segment 1

 Far too much pacing. Stand still. Only move when you are willing to commit at least three steps in a direction. Then stop. In this segment you have music in the background which is a big distraction, but OK for theatrical purposes. When you add your constant pacing you are adding another BIG distraction that makes your content (words) very hard to follow.

 You didn't need to mention twice the fact that your talk would be short. Once is good.  Twice adds unneeded length which defeats the purpose.

 You touched your head a little too much. I do this too. Some is OK, but Scratching head at 01:49 and 06:08 is not very attractive. Also scratching/rubbing face and ear.

 I would drop the word "self" as In I said to myself--"self." Unless it is really emphasized in a comic presentation it sounds kind of corny.

 Biggest problem I see with this talk is that it is constructed around all your dreams and how they came true. This can seem self-aggrandizing to the audience unless you use the proper techniques to draw them in. If you don't, every time you say one of your dreams, the audience may feel worse in comparison. I'll explain how to do it properly on the phone. Just remember, you will appear more powerful by making them the stars.

 If possible, hit the bathroom before you talk. Reach in through your zipper and pull your tux shirt down so it has a nice flat crisp look while you are on stage. If you can't sneak to the bathroom, just do your best to push it down under your cummerbund just before you go on.

 Consider using a handheld microphone. There are many advantages. ---better control, better sound, gives you something to do with at least one of your hands (that looks better than clutching
notes) and allows you to interview audience members ala Phil Donahue. Remember--make them the stars and they'll make you the star.

 Humor delivery. Learning a few techniques on humor delivery will help you immensely in all your talks. Example of one of your punch lines: Obviously a democrat, a Tom. The word order should be rearranged so that the funny word is the last word spoken---Hey
Tom, he must be a democrat or Hey Tom, he's obviously a democrat. Try to construct your punch lines so that the funny word is at the end and then SHUT UP!! Anything you say after the punch line will impede the laughter. In your case the funny word was "democrat." When you said "A Tom" you stepped on your laughter. Here's the formula

1. Pause before the punch line to set it off from the rest of the joke.
2. Punch out the line while standing still and saying it a little bit louder.
3. Pause just after so you don't step on your laughter.

 To be politically correct change "girl" to "young woman" when talking about your wife. Or you could say, "girl and then say "for those of you that believe in political correctness, back then we were allowed to say girl." --John, regardless of what you think about this
topic, you can be assured that a certain percentage of your audience will pick up on a term like "girl" or "chairman" and they won't hear your next three sentences. Worse than that, they may label you and not listen to anything else you say.---Times have really changed.

 Put names of people after their description. This builds anticipation ala Newsweek's cartoon page where they also have quotes. They give the quote first then give you the name of who said it. Also, scratch the part of the punch line "they took his name." It's too obvious and steps on laughter.

 At 09:40 you said , "Ask of ya" instead of ask of "you." Because of your stature you should strive to use better diction. I have many of these problems too, like dropping of the "ing" (sweatin instead of sweating) I get away with it because of my highly humorous
presentations, yet I still try to think about it. I'm certain you face many highly sophisticated audiences which are in tune with these small things. Don't, however, let something like that, keep you from really getting colloquial with less sophisticated audiences. You don't want them to see you as a snooty professor type from Oxford.

 This xyz segment could easily be adapted to be a portion of a larger talk.--Maybe a closing. When this talk is given alone, it seems a little incongruent. Speaking a slow monotone with a lullaby playing in the background seems opposite of the true excitement you were trying to convey. One fix may be to make it part of a much more lively talk and another possible fix would be to expand the music that was included briefly in the Laser segment. Portions of this song can get pretty fiery which would give you an excuse to get loud. Overall you were forced to speak in monotone. REMEMBER--Long periods of monotone speech, coupled with the audience in the dark and a lullaby playing sets the stage for SNOOZE CITY. Fortunately you kept it very short..

Next Segment

 Most of above applies except you were forced to stand still because of the light placement. Also, If you are a silhouette, even though it has great theatrical effect, it does not allow you to connect with the audience. They want to see you. If this was part of a bigger talk where they saw you already then it would be OK.

 15:12 you said "gonna." Refer to diction above and keep in mind generally this is not that big of a deal.

Action Steps for John Doe

 Practice standing still while you are talking.

 Practice moving at least three steps in any direction and then stop. You can talk while you are moving.

 When practicing be aware of scratching and rubbing your head.

 Call Tom to discuss techniques to change your presentation slightly to draw in the audience.

 Double check you clothing before going on.

 Try using handheld microphone or practice with a fake one.

 Rewrite some of your punch lines to put the humorous word or phrase at the end.

 Keep political correctness in mind.

 Think a little about diction.

 Add some variety and loudness to the presentation.

Second Video Tape Critique
John Doe at Leadership Conference

November 10

Changes from last critique

Last Critique: Far too much pacing. Stand still. Only move when you are willing to commit at least three steps in a direction. Then stop. In this segment you have music in the background which is a big distraction, but OK for theatrical purposes. When you add your constant pacing you are adding another BIG distraction that makes your content (words) very hard to follow.

Much better at this, but problem is not totally fixed. Keep thinking to yourself, "Stand still! or move for a purpose."

Last Critique: You touched your head a little too much. I do this too. Some is OK, but Scratching head at 1:49 and 6:08 is not very attractive. Also scratching/rubbing face and ear.

Did not see this problem at all this time.

Last Critique: Consider using a handheld microphone. There are many advantages. In fact I use your city as an example when I teach this concept. Look around at most of the performers who frequent your stages. Most use a handheld microphone---better control, better sound, gives you something to do with at least one of your hands (that looks better than clutching notes) and allows you to interview audience members ala Phil Donahue. Remember--make them the stars and they'll make you the star.

You ignored this advice. Although you kept the remote control in your right hand, which kept that hand busy, you were "obnoxiously" pointing it and waving it at the audience much of the
time. Left hand was buried in left pocket most of the time.

Last Critique: Humor delivery. Learning a few techniques on humor delivery will help you immensely in all your talks. Example of one of your punch lines: Obviously a democrat, a Tom. The word order should be rearranged so that the funny word is the last word spoken---Hey Tom, he must be a democrat or Hey Tom, he's obviously a democrat. Try to construct your punch lines so that the funny word is at the end and then SHUT UP!!
Anything you say after the punch line will impede the laughter. In your case the funny word was "democrat." When you said "A Tom" you stepped on your laughter. Here's the formula

1. Pause before the punch line to set it off from the rest of the joke.
2. Punch out the line while standing still and saying it a little bit louder.
3. Pause just after so you don't step on your laughter.

Humor delivery was much better. You weren't stepping on your punch lines.

New Critique Information

 Introduction is entirely about how great you are. It didn't have one thing about what the  audience will get by listening to you. No one cares if you are Superman (although certain items should be included to show your credibility. They care about what they will get out of sitting there for an hour. Extra credentials could be in the program bio (not TOO MUCH there either) or handout material. Here's the introduction section of my new

A good beginning makes a good ending
English Proverb

Introductions and

Many speakers pay little or no attention to their introduction. They think it has little or no effect on their overall performance but, in fact, it does. Introductions are a time to bring a speaker and
audience together so that the speaker can deliver a message to an audience which has been made receptive. You must take control of your introductions if at all possible!

Introductions by Another Person
One way to do it is to let your introducer know well in advance how important the role is and why it is important. The following sample letter shows you how to do this. Paragraph one tells the introducer the importance of a good introduction. Paragraph two makes
mention of personalization. If the introducer can handle it without getting carried away, a personalized comment or two helps to connect the speaker with the group. Hopefully the   introducer has gotten to know you a little personally. A comment that reveals that helps the audience accept you. Use paragraph three to give any tips that will help the presentation go smoothly. Short introductions are always best for several reasons: 1. An introduction that is too
flowery builds resistance in the audience which you will have to overcome; 2. If the introduction keeps expectations low, the audience will be pleasantly surprised that you are dynamic and funny and they will laugh more easily; 3. When your introducer is terrible, less damage will be done
Always write your own introduction, double space it, and print it in a large, easilyreadable type style. Send it to your introducer well in advance and bring extra copies with you to the presentation.
When preparing an introduction, use your name several times and also name your subject. Give a reason for you being chosen as the speaker and a few things about you that will cause the audience to feel you are qualified to speak. Make sure benefits to the audience are apparent so they know there is something to be gained from listening. Don't build resistance by telling them how great you are. Limit your qualifications to two or three items and use only the ones that pertain to that group. I always like to insert a simple joke for the introducer that teases me a little and gets the audience primed to laugh. If possible, I use the same "test" humor each time I am introduced. The amount of laughter I hear in response to this joke acts as a gauge to tell me the degree to which the audience is in fun. Here's a sample of a typical introduction I use.

Tom Antion
Here with us today to talk about a lighter way to do business is 1{Tom Antion}. Tom is the 2{author} of six books and is now working on his seventh which is titled Business Lite:
Humor, Effectiveness & The Bottom Line.
Tom brings to us a 3{great depth of small business experience. He owned an apartment rental business and a hotel before he graduated from college. He currently owns four small
businesses}. 4,5{His consulting firm Antion & Associates helps companies & individuals realize the great benefits associated with enthusiasm and lightheartedness in the workplace}.
6{Tom is a frequent keynote speaker before all types of business & civic groups}. 7{The last time he spoke, the audience was glued to their seats. . . . Tom did this to make sure no one left}.
8,9{Here to help us discover a lighter and more profitable way to manage our businesses} is Tom Antion 10{(lead enthusiastic applause)}

1. Name mentioned several times.
2. The word author means credibility.
3. Business experience means credibility.
4. Mentions availability to consult, plus establishes in the audience's mind that you help other
5. Benefits to audience.
6. Shows availability for other talks.
7. Easily delivered joke (gives them hope that NO ZZZZZs are forthcoming).
8. Subject.
9. Benefits to audience.
10. Reminds them to applaud.

Nothing in this introduction underscores the fact that I'm going to be really funny. Had I put in the introduction that this will be the funniest presentation you have ever heard, I would have built
an instant resistance. The audience would dig in and say to themselves, "Yeah, let's see how funny this guy really is." It makes it much easier on you to sneak up on them. Here's another
benefit for you. If you don't turn out to be all that funny, you will not have bombed because youstill delivered your serious message. If you advance bill yourself as funny, the exact same presentation could be considered a bomb.

Some Test Humor for Introductions
Plus many of these can be used for other purposes.


Pick a couple and stick with them. The real value of test humor comes when you have heard the same line being delivered in your introduction over and over. The laughter of the audience will
tell you how much in fun they are.

John Doe is one of the greatest speakers ever and that's just not my opinion, it's his too. Let's welcome John Doe (lead enthusiastic applause)

It has been said that John Doe is the number one man in the field of?. And here folks is the man who said it. Let's welcome John Doe (lead enthusiastic applause)

The man I am about to introduce is so full of ideas I have heard him described as a manic EXPRESSIVE. Let's welcome John Doe (lead enthusiastic applause)

John Doe is a man who helps people. In fact, he would never turn someone away from his door if they needed help ...He would let them sit there all day if they wanted to. Let's welcome
John Doe (lead enthusiastic applause)

Some people believe that John Doe is one of the greatest business speakers alive today....Of course some people believe in the Easter Bunny. Let's welcome John Doe (lead enthusiastic

John Doe's discussion of (subject) will be very enlightening. He says that after his talk you will still be confused, but on a much higher plane.

John Doe says he is going to speak and hopefully you are going to listen. If you finish before he does, please raise your hand.

John Doe says he will be happy to answer any questions you might have as long as you don't ask, "Why did you bother to come here?"

Although he eventually became a nice looking businessman, John Doe says he wasn't the cutest child. In fact, his parents threw away his kindergarten photo and framed the negative.

John Doe says he doesn't read Fortune, but he has eaten a lot of their cookies.

John Doe says the best years of his life were the ten years between 29 and 30.

John doe says he was a war baby. His parents looked at him and started fighting.

John doe says he was born during the great depression. Not the countries. His mothers.

John Doe says he will give you in length what he lacks in depth.

John wants you to think of his talk as the horns of a steer. A point here, a point there and a lot of bull in between.

For all female audience:

John Doe says diamonds are a girl's best friend and dogs are a man's best friend. Now you know which sex has more sense.

John Doe says a businesswoman has to be twice as good as a man. Fortunately, that's not hard to do.

 Don't forget to take off your name badge before you speak. Makes you look just like another attendee instead of someone special.

 First part of opening was weak. You checked to see if your microphone was on your lapel/tie. Get that all done BEFORE you step up.

 Don't hold prop before you are ready to use it. I was wondering what was in the bag and not listening to you.

 Nice response to introduction and personalized small talk about introducer.

 Don't bury hand in Left pocket. All throughout presentation you kept sticking it back in.



 Besides being good interaction exercise, the plaque deal created long term interaction that will affect these people long after your talk is done. This is a "cutting edge" trend in speaking. Many top pros work something in to accomplish this long term value/change.

 For above. Why not create and print your own personalized  poster?
Sell or give them away. You could do the same exercise as above by framing one and giving it away each time you speak. Put your name on them. This would create lots oflong term publicity for you and your cause.

 At about 8:00 minutes you mentioned other things that had happened at the conference. This was good. It showed you were there and that you were paying attention and that you cared. Do you do that when you just pop in the middle of a conference when you couldn't be at the other sessions? If you don't, then try to interview attendees right on the spot to find out what has been happening or if anything big or funny happened that you can refer
to in your talk.

 Need funny dream line. Call me if you want me to search or write one.

 Microphone story makes good point.

 At approx. 16:00 minutes you tried to get a pledge to action. I would move that to end of talk. Should be one of the last things you say so people remember it.

 Throwing books on desk was good visual.

 20:00 minutes was an example of some aimless wandering.

 Delivery of Yogi Berra stuff wasn't great. Here's a better way.

"According to the great philosopher Yogi Berra (pause) a fella can observe a lot just by watching." The way you presented the material, the audience didn't know whether they should
laugh or not . . . so they didn't.

 Need Listening Humor. Call me if you want me to search or write one.

 At 21:54 You said the term "screw it." Other times during this talk you said "damn nun," "bustin' your butts," "give a damn," "why the Hell," "what the Hell else," "getting butts beat," "Hell no (three times in a row)," and my favorite, "don't shoot the bitch." Why not
throw in a couple "F" you's? Hahahaha. Really--this stuff doesn't bother me at all, but I know the speaking profession. I have heard meeting planners talking candidly about getting complaints from attendees about foul language. I have closely watched audiences'
reactions when these words are said. I would be damn (oops) careful about doing this.
You just don't know who's out there and what they are thinking.

 When you talked about hating history, I like the excitement (but watch the language.) "Extreme range of emotion" type language is good. It shows you take stands on things.

 You could expand the "well done" concept. Example: "Some of us only go for medium well . . ." And some of us are satisfied with rare . . ." "That's ok for a steak, but when we are trying to accomplish something you have to turn up the fire." ---or something like

 Peter Drucker phone call was a let down. I didn't get to here any great words of wisdom HE had. I only heard your vision. You could pick out something he said and tell the audience in HIS voice so they would get a real feel for the man (Peter Drucker).

 At 26:45 "sounded like the damn nun again" Good use of Callback technique but I would be especially careful of using the words damn and nun together.

If you refer to a word or phrase you mentioned earlier in your presentation, that's a callback. It works well if the previous piece of material got a good laugh or if it was a groaner. If the previous material was good, mentioning it again will get more laughter and will make you look polished for being able to tie the previous material to the present material. If the previous material was poor, the callback will show your willingness to tease yourself, which is an admirable quality the audience appreciates.
Here's how it works: Let's say you used a successful two-liner in your presentation Don't rely on health books too much. You could die of a misprint. Later in your presentation someone mightnotice a misspelling in one of your handouts or visuals. You could then call back and say, See,that's one of those misprints I was telling you about earlier. Another thing that might happen, that is just as good, is that one or more of the audience members might make the connection and do the callback for you. One of them may blurt out something about your health book line. That's great if they do. You are getting them involved and allowing them to feel superior to you, which makes them the stars. You could then comeback with, See, I put that there to test you. When you really get confident, you might actually make the misprint on purpose to set up this whole

 At 27:55 "Partnership with God Didn't do such a good job & neither did she." Did you muff this? I think you were trying to make reference that God was female, but the way you phrased it didn't work at all. Usually it goes something like this, "I don't want to do anything that will get God mad (short pause) cause SHE'LL get me back."

 After Basketball example in Italy you literally shoved your left hand back in your pocket. I was also getting pretty tired of you shaking that remote control at me.

 At 30:30 You were talking about "fork in the road" John, I can't remember who said this--it may have been Yogi Berra too. I don't know.

"Someone once said, when you come to a fork in the road . . . take it."

 Court reporter example. For variety and interest you could have a chair and a book handy. Sit down, throw your feet up on something and role play the indifference of this person. Use a callback by saying he was reading a book, but I don't think it had the intellectual level of the ones over here (refer to the ones over on the table that you used earlier.)

 Somebody/anybody stuff does make a point but pretty old stuff. If you use it, I would say it's pretty old stuff so you don't look out of touch.

Old Humor Is Good Humor
Humor is only old if your audience has heard it before and if they remember it. Most people don't remember the exact details of jokes, one-liners, and stories. This is not contradictory to the
fact that one of the uses of humor is to make your points more memorable.
One of the reasons people don't remember jokes and other pieces of humor is that the humor is usually heard without a context. It was used for entertainment only, enjoyed, and quickly forgotten. It was not used in conjunction with a point, which is the way you should use itin a professional presentation.
When you bring back some of this old humor, you will be tying it to your point, which makes it acceptable to use in the first place. In the second place, even if some audience members recognize the humor, they probably don't remember the punch line. If you tell it well, even those people who do remember the punch line will enjoy hearing it again.
The technique to use in telling a very old joke or story is to tell the audience it is old. This is the one time when you should tell the audience you have a joke or story coming. If you don't tell them that you know it is old, they will likely think you are out of touch. If you tell them you are going to tell an old story or joke, you are telling them you know it's old, but it makes the point so well that you think it is worth telling again.
As we saw in the last section, you will come across jokes and stories that can be updated. Some can be updated as easily as adding a current name. Here's an old politician joke:

Joe the politician said he was so surprised about his nomination that his acceptance speech fell out of his pocket.

All you have to do to update this one is change the name from Joe to the current politician or association member you want to tease. You could also make this a joke on yourself if you know you are going to be nominated for something. I was so surprised about this nomination that MY acceptance speech fell out of my pocket. Here's another one that can be used for presidents or to tease any boss:

A man was alone in a rowboat on the Potomac shouting No! No! No!
Someone on the riverbank said, "Is that guy crazy or what?" Another man fishing said, "No. That's just one of President Clinton's Yes Men' on vacation."

All you have to do on this one is change the name of the river and substitute your BIG TARGET where you see President Clinton.

 When map came up on screen. A "You Are Here" arrow (like you see in the store directory at the mall) would have gotten you a free laugh.

 At 46:20 you were talking to the audience, but you looked down to try to find a paper for you next "banana" point. Don't look away until you have finished the end of your thought.

 You got excited when talking about CAVE people. This is good. Try to put some more excitement points throughout your talk. You still suffer from a fairly monotone delivery.

 Sports reference is good in almost all audiences, especially if you have a son on the team. You had an interesting change in body language when talking about he team. You leaned against the rail and crossed your legs. Also changed your arm position.

 In above you tried to sit on rail, but it didn't work so you looked kind of awkward. If you want to use these kinds of theatrical tricks, you must try them out on the actual stage FIRST.

 Might add some sports humor in above. Let me know if you want me to search my library.

 "Now I know what the other barrel is for." Got great laugh. Very good. Change "don't shoot the bitch line."

 "Good goose stuff is very good. Is that your own or did you read it somewhere?

 Honk/Gestures was a good callback to the earlier gestures line.

 BIG MISTAKE in closing. I wanted to grab you right through the TV screen when I was watching. I actually yelled at the TV. NO JOHN!! DON'T DO IT!!!.





 SECOND BIG MISTAKE at closing. On second round of
applause you looked down at papers and "hem hawed around" instead of looking them in the eye and accepting their extra appreciation. This would also have lengthened their applause. Don't ruin their chance to give something back to you.

John--here's how serious I am about the last two points which effect your reputation and mine. If you make those last two mistakes again and I find out about it. I quit! I want the last moment of your talks to make the audience remember what a great and powerful speaker you are. Don't ever make these mistakes again!

Call me today if you want to discuss any of the above critique or if you want me to work on anything else. I'll be able to work some while on the road.

Thanks for your business. I'm dedicated to making you even better than you already are.


Action Steps for John Doe

 Continue concentrating on standing still and only moving for a purpose.

 Consider trying out a handheld microphone.

 Don't wave remote controls at audience.

 Watch putting your hand in your pocket forever. A little is OK

 Fix introduction including test humor.

 Prepare for powerful opening and extra powerful closing i.e. everything checked, badge off, several well-practiced openings ready to go (although be ready throw practiced opening out if something better comes along that entire audience can relate to), front and center for closing, stand there and accept applause.

 Note and keep big laugh lines, "standing in the shower, etc."

 Consider making your own poster.

 Watch language.

 Make sure you show ranges of excitement all through your talks.--Some real loud and some real soft in addition to your normal delivery demeanor.

Topic Search


The future just isn't what it used to be.---Yogi Berra

Some people are waiting for their ship to come in and some are just waiting for their bus to show up.

My interest is in the future because I'm going to spend the rest of my life there.--Charles Franklin Kettering, born 1876, American Inventor.

They gave each other a smile with a future in it. --Ring Lardner, 1885-1933, American Humorist and short story writer. (This could make a good ending line)

He who does not look ahead remains behind.---Spanish proverb

Believing in the future helps us to have hope and, as Dwight Morrow said, "Hope is greater than history."

"Wise men say, and not without reason, that whoever wished to foresee the future might consult
the past." ---Machiavelli

"The future has several names. For the weak, it si the impossible. For the fainthearted, it is the unknown. For the thoughtful and valiant, it is ideal." ---Victor Hugo

"You can deal with the future more clearly if you don't focus on next week." --John Templeton, founder of Templeton funds.

"I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been." ---Wayne Gretsky

"We know only two things about the future: It cannot be known, and it will be different from what exists now and from what we now expect." ---Peter Drucker, Managing for Results.

"The future never just happened. It was created." ---Will and Ariel Durant, The Lessons of History

If you don not think about the future, you cannot have one." ---John Gale.

Misc. I ran across while doing the search.

Some people go out of their way for you when you wish they would just get out of your way.

Here's some Thanksgiving stuff(ing)

Last year we had frozen Turkey. For the first two hours in the oven he enjoyed it.

The first turkeys weren't wild. They just went crazy when they found out what we planned to do with them.

Last year we had a turkey for Thanksgiving. He sat on my right.

When we were first married my wife kept taking the turkey's temperature. I said, "If it's that sick, I don't want any."

Born on this day

November 12
Elizabeth Cady Stanton, 1815, American leader of women's suffrage movement.

November 13
Robert Louis Stevenson, 1850, Scottish novelist, essayist, poet and critic. "For God's sake, give me the young man who has sense enough to make a fool of himself."

November 14
Prince Charles, 1948, Son of Queen Elizabeth II
"Falling madly in love with someone is not necessarily the starting point to getting married."

November 15
American Enterprise Day
"Under capitalism man exploits man: under socialism the reverse is true.--Polish Proverb.

Aneurin Bevin, born 1897, English politician.
"We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over."

"I read the newspaper avidly. It is my one source of continuous fiction." (John you could show some incorrect article out of the day's newspaper)

Franklin P. Adams,
"There are plenty of good five cent cigars in this country. The trouble is they cost a quarter."
"What this country needs is a good five cent nickel."

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